"Excited and Guilty at the Same Time": Rocio Cabrera Opens Up on Leaving Her Baby for the First Time

Content creator Rocio Cabrera, has shared a very honest video about a feeling many mothers know well but few talk about. She is happy to be travelling alone. And she feels bad for being happy. Rocio is the baby mama for who is popular content creator Fredrick Marwa, otherwise known as iam_marwa on youtube. The two broke up months ago after which Rocio returned to her native Agentina where she continues making youtube videos as s single mother.

She filmed the video on a bus in Argentina, where she lives. She was on her way to Buenos Aires to catch a flight, and she was making the journey without her baby for the first time ever.

A trip planned for a year

The trip is a big one. She has planned it for more than a year, and she will host guests from America at a colder destination in Argentina. She had just come back from Mexico a few days earlier. She is tired, and the weather is not helping. Spring has barely shown up.

The journey itself is long. The airport is five hours away by bus, and her flight leaves around 4 a.m. She does not expect much sleep. She has asked her Airbnb to let her check in early.

So she made a practical call. The weather would be rough, and the travel would be hard on a small child. Her baby stays home with her mother and sister, who she says are taking good care of him.

It was a logical choice. It did not feel logical.

Two sets of feelings at once

Tonight will be her first night away from her baby. Since becoming a mother, she has never left him for even a few days.

On one side, she feels sad and anxious. She misses him already. On the other side, she is excited. She will sleep alone in a bed, move around freely and take a long shower without worrying that a little one will wake up. She says she has not had that kind of space in almost two years.

She is clear that she loves her solo time. She enjoyed travelling alone long before she was a mother, and she says she needs quiet time to feel like herself. Then the guilt arrives. She describes it as a voice telling her that she should not feel this good about leaving her child.

She admits she cannot even tell which guilt she is feeling. Is it guilt for leaving him? Or guilt for enjoying the break? "I don't know how to feel about it," she says.

Weaning adds to the mix

There is one more thing weighing on her heart. Breastfeeding is coming to an end.

She had planned to nurse for two and a half years. But she is a little tired, and she saw this trip as a gentle way to start the goodbye. It is a big change for both mother and child, and it is making her emotional.

Her message to other moms

Rocio does not pretend to have the answers. She says plainly that she is not teaching anything. She wants to talk, and she wants to hear from others. She asked moms, and dads too, to share their own stories in the comments.

She also made one point firmly. She loves being with her child, and she sees raising him as her job. She does not plan to leave her children often, and she does not think grandparents should do the raising when parents are present. She added that this is her own view, and she chose not to go deeper into it.

Her main hope was simple. She wants mothers to feel less alone with feelings that do not fit neatly into "right" or "wrong."